It's been awhile since I've shared on my blog, and this post was not at all what I had planned to share about, and certainly not as much, its long, yet here it is...... and so I'm hoping that my story may resonate and bring some hope to others who may be gong through something similar.  If it strikes a chord let me know, I'll do my best to share the journey.....because for me anyway, it's just beginning. 

In August, I underwent emergency spinal surgery to remove a fractured disc between L3 and L4. The disc had shifted and was pressing directly on my spinal cord, leaving me unable to sit, stand, or walk, and in excruciating pain from my back down the right side of my body—all the way to my foot. It was terrifying, and the pain was like nothing I’d ever experienced. I had surgery on a Sunday morning, and that moment marked the beginning of a long road to healing.

Anyone who’s had spine surgery knows recovery isn’t quick or easy. But I’ve been so incredibly blessed and grateful to have my amazing husband, family, friends, and a loving community who immediately "circled the wagons." They lifted me up in prayer, sent words of encouragement, made visits, and even delivered delicious meals—every bit of it made a difference.

I also can’t say enough about my wonderful, skillful neurosurgeon and his team, and the kind and dedicated nurses and hospital support staff on the 2nd floor at LGH. The great care didn’t end at the hospital—once home, I was supported by an outstanding team of visiting nurses, occupational therapists, and physical therapists who have been walking this journey with me.

I'm still recovering. It’s slow, often painful, and filled with ups and downs—but I feel the power of the prayers and love surrounding me. And each day, I’m doing my best to take one step forward.

Before all of this, my beloved and I had planned to return to Medjugorje with Deacon John in 2026. For a while, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to climb Apparition Hill again. But my faith in God and in His healing power is strong—and we’ve gone ahead and booked the trip.

Funny enough, the last time I climbed that hill, I did it with a torn meniscus in my right knee—which I didn’t even know I had at the time! I wish I could say that was fully behind me, but earlier this year, I had 3½ vials of fluid drained from that same knee and got a cortisone shot. I originally thought I was having hip problems, but thankfully, that doctor visit led to the MRI that caught my spinal issue in time.

Like I said… it's a long story.

Lately, I’ve been working hard on acceptance and surrender. Some days I’m more successful than others. And while I know that what I’m going through is nothing compared to the suffering so many others face every single day, I sometimes forget that—especially when the pain takes over or when exhaustion hits. I can be a pretty sassy and demanding daughter when I'm praying to my heavenly Father (just ask my beloved!), but in the quiet of the night, when sleep won’t come and the pain is sharpest, I find myself drawing ever closer to Jesus.

I pray for acceptance. I remind Him—and maybe myself—that I can’t do this without Him. I surrender it all and ask Him to use it as He wills. Most of all, I ask Him to stay close. Because it’s only by His grace that I’m getting through.

The nights are the hardest. I’m limited in how I can move, and since I’m not steady enough yet to handle the stairs on my own, I’ve been sleeping downstairs. Our only bathroom is on the first floor, and there’s just no way I could manage the stairs in the middle of the night right now. I’m working toward it—hopefully in another few weeks I’ll be there. It’s hard being apart from my husband at night, but moving our bedroom downstairs just isn’t realistic, so for now, this is how it has to be.

One unexpected blessing: we have two back-to-back weeks at our timeshare that we hadn’t planned to use this year. But after talking with my nurse, OT, and PT, they all thought it would be good for me to get away and rest. So here we are, spending a few quiet days in the mountains. And let me tell you—we have been so blessed by this little change of scenery.

As in the wee hours of the morning, I sit here, by the warmth of the fireplace and surrounded by peace and beauty, I continue to pray: Lord, use what I’m going through. Let it not be wasted. Let it draw me closer to You. And please—stay close. I need You in all of this.

But here in the mountains,  my beloved has been witnessing firsthand what my nights are really like—restless, painful, and full of challenges that don’t always show during the day. He told me he thinks I’m minimizing the pain, putting on a brave face. And maybe… I am.

But in my heart, I’ve been thinking: Isn’t this just normal? At least for someone recovering from the kind of spinal surgery I had?

I’ve been doing everything they’ve told me—faithfully following the “BLTs”: 🚫 No bending 🚫 No lifting more than 5 pounds 🚫 No twisting

I’m transitioning from the walker to a cane now, and even doing some short walks unaided in safe areas, using walls or furniture for support when needed. The walker stays close by—because falling just isn’t an option. My spine still needs time for the scar tissue to fill the space where the disc fragments were removed, and that can take 6 to 8 months, sometimes even up to a year for full nerve healing and mobility.

That’s why physical therapy is so important—motion is medicine right now. But I’ll admit it: I might be pushing myself a little too much sometimes. I just want to move forward.

After another tough night last night with little to no sleep, I finally reached out to my neurosurgeon to check in about what I’ve been experiencing. I suspect he’ll say it’s all within the normal range of recovery—but honestly, I need to hear it. And I think my husband does too. We were scheduled to go back in for a follow-up in a couple of weeks, but his office called this morning and we are going in tomorrow.  I’m hopeful it will bring both of us a little more peace of mind. 

But now I have a dilemma, I had planned to make a nice batch of Italian cookies to bring to him and his office on my next visit.  And that isn't going to happen tomorrow. So it will have to wait till I'm a bit further along in my healing. 

This journey has been anything but easy. But I’m walking it—with faith, with gratitude, with support, and with the hope that every day brings me closer to healing.

It  feels like its been a long  journey already, but one filled with grace, healing, and so much love. Thank you to everyone who has been part of this journey with me. Please keep those prayers coming—I can feel every one of them.

And yes—we are going on another pilgrimage to Medjugorje in August 2026!

I started this post to share about our upcoming pilgrimage and my determination to be healthy and well to not only climb Apparition Hill but to make it up Cross Mountain too.  As I get stronger and more mobile, John and I will be walking and working on building our endurance so we are ready come August....... but as you can see if you made it this far, I got a little sidetracked, I'd like to blame it on the 2 hours of sleep, but the reality is that I am willing to bet that there are others who have gone through and who may be going through something similar right now.  I am praying for you, I am here too, I am hopeful and I am thankful.

" oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good: for His steadfast love endures for ever!"                   Psalm 107:1

If you’re interested in information about the trip or thinking about joining us, the flyer is attached. We’d love to have you with us on this beautiful pilgrimage.

And if you have any prayer intentions, let me know I will add them to my prayer journal.  

I am bringing my prayer journal from our pilgrimage to  Oberammergau in 2022 and our pilgrimage to Fatima, Lourdes and Medjugorje last year so if you have reached out before, your intentions will be gong with us.  And we will pray for your intentions at our daily masses, when we light candles and we will be taking your intentions with us and praying as we climb up Apparition Hill and Cross Mountain.

Our Frist Christmas together in Texas - 1982It's Christmas Eve morning and I am excited for whatever the day brings especially the coming of the birth of Jesus and the blessings and grace that await each new day.  This morning I’m also reflective with emotions and thoughts about my dad who died 23 years ago on Christmas Morning and my mom who died 27 years ago in November. In my heart I know that they are together in heaven celebrating with Jesus and all those I love who have gone home to glory and that brings peace and comfort to my heart.

My heart is also filled with so much gratitude because my parents left us with so many wonderful traditions and family memories, family was everything to them. They always instilled in us a spirit of gratitude and unconditional love, and I am so grateful that never was there ever a time that I talked to my mom or dad that I did not tell them how much I loved them. I was by mom’s side when she drew her last breath and I saw the love in her eyes as she was leaving this world for the next. And four years later I had the grace of talking with my dad less than 12 hours before he died. In that conversation he reminded me that I was his “baby girl” or as he would tell me in his sweet Italian accent “his littlest flower”. Daddy was an avid farmer/gardener with the greenest of thumbs and with three daughters he would always tell me that he had three flowers. And I was the baby sister of the family and his “littlest flower”. There is no sadness in these memories, only gratitude for the grace of them. However, over the years since my parents deaths it’s been my experience that grief comes in waves. Some years and sometimes the waves lap at my feet, other years they knock me over with a power I don’t see coming. This year the waves are overwhelming and I’m feeling the loss of my parents in a powerful way.   Maybe that is because our whole family was all together just a few weeks ago celebrating an early Christmas. It was a blessed and joyous time, but a few days later my beloved brother-in-love experienced a medical emergency and he is still in the hospital with a long and slow recovery. The distance in miles doesn't help, but keeping him, my sister and our family close in prayer brings peace   I've seen those posts circulating around social media about this time of year and that not everyone is experiencing the joys of this season, I get it and I can relate. I also know that my attitude and perspective is up to me and so more often than not, despite how I may be feeling, I make a choice to press on, hold tight to the memories and traditions that I know I was blessed to have been given, to move forward in love and hope, look for and find the  joy in the journey, and if I am having trouble finding the joy to bring the joy.   I have been walking through the this Advent season with Hallow and along with my beloved we have dove deep into some of my old family traditions, baking, cooking, making pastas and bread and cookies and in between our work responsibilities making the most out of each day. For me there is great joy in this beautiful season and the birth of Jesus, and while it is mingled with sadness, loss, and remembrance of those who have passed on and are no longer with us. It is all a blessing, its a reminder that life is short and time is precious and fleeting.  

We also miss those who can't be with us by distance, choice, circumstance, estrangement, strained and broken relationships, whatever the reasons, for there are so many different scenarios, situations, and circumstances as there are people in our lives.  I pray that wherever I find myself, that I am present to those around me and to the grace that always abounds. 

And as I walk into the beauty of the Nativity and the coming of our Lord baby Jesus that my heart is a wide open, fitting, empty, humble and transparent dwelling place for my Lord to dwell.

 Choose Joy!

We have choices, depending on the circumstances I'm not always so quick to jump right to joy, or finding joy in the situation or circumstance, but by His grace I eventually get there. Thank you Jesus and may you give me the grace to bless you in all things!!

 "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another"  John 13:35

I love the Imitation of Christ by Thomas Kempis. So much wisdom and no matter how many times I have read it, and my books are worn, there is always a new take away and another perspective and insight.

This morning I took the time to dig into the scriptures that were referenced to share them as part of the reading. I hope that you too are blessed by His word.

I love a quiet and relaxing start to my day and time with Jesus in the morning.  

This morning I was up early, praying, reading and journaling and I was drawn to a prayer book that used to be a constant, but that I don't pray with as often as I used to. And in particular, a prayer that was one of Mother Teresa's favorites that was written by Venerable John Henry Cardinal Newman called "Radiating Christ".  

A little break from making St. Joseph's bread for a reflection on keeping my focus on Jesus.

Today's resounding message in my morning readings and reflections is to let go of control and to trust and surrender all to the ONE who created me and as scripture says .  

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you."   Jeremiah 29:11-12  

Can you relate?

Trust and Surrender 

Aside from the Bible my all time favorite is the Imitation of Christ by Thomas A. Kempis and my favorite version of this book that has been reprinted in various versions is the Penguin Classic. I’ve had my copy for well over 20 years and it is highlighted and tabbed and falling apart but it is and always will be my go to!!During Lent I was so excited to pray with the Hallow App and the reason I was so excited was that they were doing reflections on the Imitation of Christ, and it was a blessed Lenten Season with Hallow and that blessing continues for both me and my beloved today as it has become a part of our daily routine. Which I have to say is anything but routine but joyously consistent.Back at the beginning of Lent I ordered a revised translation from Pauline Books, it took a few months but I received the book recently and have been loving it. I enjoy very similar translations to my penguin classic and I am blessed by the reflections and prayers at the end of each section.And I have been sharing a few of them on my blog, this mornings reflection and prayer was no different. This is the prayer following the reading from The Imitation of Christ, chapter 16, Bear the defects of others.“Imprint on my heart, Lord, your admonition to carry the burden of others with patience and understanding. May I fulfill it lovingly for your glory and my salvation. Amen”Short, sweet and a powerful reminder for me for sure!! And always my prayer for you and me, today and every day is that all circumstance that are encountered in the course of the day are an opportunity for deeper knowledge of self, understanding and personal development and an opportunity to draw closer in relationship with Jesus Christ and in the process may we all find Joy in the Journey !