Today the reading I turned to was Usefulness in Adversity. For me it reminds me to draw closer to God, to seek His wisdom and guidance and to always remember that it is He who sees my heart.
Todays reading is on Humble Submission. Humility seems to be a theme for me this week.....or maybe this year !!
Join us this Friday in a Triduum (Three days of prayer), Friday is the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, Saturday is the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary and Sunday is Father's Day and we will be honoring the Most Chaste Heart of Joseph. Our Rosary Company was founded in honor of the hearts of the Holy Family, so this weekend is kind of our honorary feasts. For each day of this Triduum we will be praying the Hearts Rosary Chaplet. If you are one of our customers, you will have received one of our brochures which has instructions on how to pray the Hearts Rosary Chaplet. We also have the instructions on our website at https://www.heartsrosary.com/prayer
This morning I’m also reflective with emotions and thoughts about my dad who died 21 years ago on Christmas Morning and my mom who died 25 years ago in November. In my heart I know that they are together in heaven celebrating with Jesus and all those I love who have gone home to glory and that brings peace and comfort to my heart.
And along with it, so much gratitude because my parents left us with so many wonderful traditions and family memories, family was everything to them. They also instilled in us a spirit of gratitude and I am so grateful that never was there ever a time that I talked to my mom or dad that I did not tell them how much I loved them.
I was by mom’s side when she drew her last breath and I saw the love in her eyes as she was leaving this world for the next. And four years later I had the grace of talking with my dad less than 12 hours before he died. In that conversation he reminded me that I was his “baby girl” or as he would tell me in his sweet Italian accent “his littlest flower”. Daddy was an avid farmer/gardener with the greenest of thumbs and with three daughters he would always tell me that he had three flowers. And I was the baby sister of the family and his “littlest flower”. There is no sadness in these memories, only gratitude for the grace of them.
However, over these years it’s been my experience that grief comes in waves. Some years and sometimes the waves lap at my feet, others they knock me over with a power I don’t see coming.
This year I’m feeling the loss in a powerful way, especially because the past few years with COVID it has been difficult to see my family. But a visit from my niece and her family last month, throwing myself into our family traditions, baking, cooking, sweet reminders, and remembrances that come to mind and together with my beloved, planning and preparing to host his families Christmas gathering brings a great deal of joy and excitement to see everyone and share a meal around my parents dining room table.
And while there is certainly joy in this beautiful season and the birth of Jesus, it is also a time of sadness, loss, and remembrance of those who have passed on and are no longer with us.
And in gatherings, missing those who can't be with us by distance, choice, circumstance, estrangement, strained and broken relationships, whatever the reasons, for there are so many different scenarios, situations, and circumstances as there are people.
So, this year my beloved and I decided to do a Novena to the Holy Family. We started on Wednesday, the 21st and will end on December 30th the Feast Day of the Holy Family this year. We are praying for forgiveness, healing and reconciliation of relationships, the family tree and intergenerational healing for our families and all families. And I would add to that intention my prayer for us all that the grace and blessing of this beautiful season brings peace, comfort, and deep joy to our heart in whatever tradition we celebrate and to our individual circumstances.
And at the risk of offending and being preachy…….. sorry, not at all sorry ….. this comes from a daughter who loved and respected her parents and elders in general. And misses them so much!! I pray that if you haven’t talked to your dad or mom lately, grandparents, family….. that you find the courage to reach out in grace, we never know what tomorrow may bring. This life is too precious and too short to have regrets.
Lastly, I pray that wherever I find myself, that I am present to those around me and to the grace that always abounds, and I pray the same for you.
My Nonna. She has been on my heart a lot lately. And this picture captures the essence of her beautiful always smiling face, the love that always beamed from her eyes, the peace and joy that filled every encounter with her.
My Nonna Rosina always wore a babushka on her head and was always fingering her rosaries in her apron pocket.
There are so many memories growing up with my grandparents right next door. The delicious cookies and 7 UP she would bring out when we were playing outside, cooking and baking with her, she loved sweet potatoes and potatoes in general and often added cinnamon to her chicken and steak while cooking.
Nonna kept a stash of 7 UP under her bed to the chagrin of my grandfather and the inside door to her little walk in closet was plastered with Holy Cards, her dresser had framed pictures of the Immaculate Heart of Mary and the Sacred Heart of Jesus that are now in my bible and the couch in her living room was covered in plastic. She kept her little stash of money in a handkerchief she made into a pouch that affixed to her bra with safety pin and she was always pulling out and giving you money and telling you to put it right away so no one would know. She spent most of her time in her kitchen, in our kitchen with my mom and dad or sitting outside watching us play. The second she saw you her eyes would light up and she couldn't wait to hug and love on you and pinch your cheeks. Her grandchildren and great-grandchildren were her world and her beaming smile gave it away every time. And every day, numerous times during the day she sat in her chair by the fireplace to pray her rosary, sometimes when I was there with the TV on with no sound, she never turned on the sound, she spoke only Italian and didn't understand what they were saying. As a kid I used to interpret for her and often my mother because my grandmother spoke no English and when I was young my mother still predominately spoke Italian.
When I think back, there are so so many memories, but what I remember most about my Nonna is the LOVE, peace and joy that was her essence, filled her heart and beamed from her always smiling and joyful face and countenance.
And I will always remember her faith and her love of God and the Blessed Mother. Nonna was a fierce protector of my mother, her only child, while being separated from my grandfather who was here in the US and not seeing or being reunited with him for 36 years. During that time apart while he was in the US, she suffered and endured a life of unspeakable hardship in Italy before she came to the US. And again when reunited with my grandfather after 36 years she had her share of hardships and sufferings here too.
But nothing she experienced or endured ever diminished her capacity for love or the joy and peace that surrounded her. My Nonna made a choice every day to live a life of love and to hold tight to her faith and that is exactly what she did. And even when Alzheimer's began to seep in the light of love and joy she carried always never faded.
Maybe that is why during this Advent as I await the birth of sweet baby Jesus and love and joy and peace He brings my Nonna Rosina remains so close on my heart for at a young age I was blessed to witness the Light He brings to the world shining bright in her !
“For thou didst form my inward parts, thou didst knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise thee, for thou art fearful and wonderful. Wonderful are thy works! Thou knowest me right well; my frame was not hidden from thee, when I was being made in secret, intricately wrought in the depths of the earth”
Psalm 139: 13 - 15
Grief and loss never go away, no matter the years, gratefully love and gratitude for the blessings always remain
How is it that 24 years can feel like the blink of an eye!
24 years ago today I sat by my mom's side, holding her hand stroking her brow and telling her how very much I loved her as she was drifting into the last few hours of her life.
The next morning, still by her side we said our last goodbye on this side of heaven.
I knew at the time that I had been given so many gifts:
The gift of a mother who to me was beyond compare and the strongest most amazing women of love, faith, courage, fortitude, perseverance and grace that I have ever known.
The gift of her love, her guidance, her model of character, integrity, honesty, dignity and honor.
The gift of being her youngest child, her unexpected surprise born to her at the age of 40 when her other three children were teens and young adults.
The gift of being a witness to her faith, her sacrifice and her bravery and courage through years of physical pain and silent acceptance of suffering, never losing her humor, her joy, her focus of family above all and her daily and constant unconditional love and sacrifice for her family.
And the gift of being right there by her side when she drew her last breath and was brought home in the arms of Jesus.
There is so much more to say - but for today, on the eve of my mom's 24th anniversary of her passing I can say .......
Sadness, loss and grief remain, not overwhelming, yet always present
My heart is filled with untold joy in the treasured memories and legacy of an incredible woman that I was blessed to call mom and whose love lives on in me and every member of our family
Remembrance brings abiding peace and comfort
Love beyond telling, gratitude, thanksgiving and hope remain
The bond of love shared is forever binding, transcends time and space and is always present
And while I miss her always, I know that she is at peace with daddy in the arms of Jesus and is looking down upon us with ever present, ever guiding love
...... And it is well!
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